


i feel you on my skin (winter came as a load)

by notbucky



Series: I feel I know your smile (like I saw it when I was a child) [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Marvel Universe, Memory Loss, Not Beta Read, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson and Scott Lang are best friends, Sense8 AU, Steve Rogers Feels, just a little of Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes, the first chapter is little but the fanfic is over 20k
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 10:33:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4388471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notbucky/pseuds/notbucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve knows Bucky has been dead for years now but he can’t explain why he is feeling Bucky holding him so tightly that Steve can almost feel the pain or why sometimes he can hear Bucky talking to him but can't understand what he is trying to say. Sometimes it almost feels like Bucky still in there. </p>
<p>(or the Sense8 AU but not quite the Sense8 AU.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i feel you on my skin (winter came as a load)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deathberrys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathberrys/gifts).



> OK SO HEY HI first of all, this is my first fanfic ever and english isn't my first language nope not even close (let me tell you how hard it is to have the idea in your mind but it is in your language and then you have to change everything to english) and i don't have a beta reader so if you want to help me *winks* or if you just spotted something wrong, let me know alright? won't be mad I promisse!  
> Anyway this au is dedicated to my friend wHO HELPED ME WITH IT (E MIGA DESCULPA SE EU FIZER VOCÊ SENTIR SENTIMENTOS NOS PRIMEIROS CAPÍTULOS OU NA MAIORIA DELES TÁ) <3 <3  
> The title is from the song Winter Ghosts from a guy (or a band?) called JBM and the title of the series is from a Keaton Henson song but I can't remember which one of them.  
> This first chapter is really short but the fanfic will be longer than 40k, just so you know what you're getting ready for.  
> (this chapter theres none tw except from bucky barnes death) (don't worry he will come back)  
> Thats it, thank you!  
> (I'm Skyler btw)

Steve couldn’t know when it started.

First it was with Bucky and it was so subtly that sometimes it felt like it has always been in there. Sometimes he would look at Bucky and know almost everything he was thinking, then he started seeing Bucky in the corner of his head when he already had gone home to his mother and then Bucky was the one who started feeling it too. It just scaled from there. Took a time to Bucky to adjust to that but once he did, they’re always together even if it wasn’t physically.

Peggy was different, with her it came all of once, hitting Steve hard. He was used to Bucky, to his presence, to feeling him but then came Peggy and it wasn’t slow at all. He felt her one day, saw her in the next and after a while they sat in the corner of the small house that Steve shared with Bucky. She laughed at his jokes, talked about her past and Steve talked about his. They used to stay all day in there, just the two of them, talking until Bucky came back from work.

Took a while but then Bucky finally connected with Peggy. He loved her and she love him right back – maybe not in the same way that Steve loved both of them but that was alright because in the end of the day they sat in the corner of the house and even if Peggy wasn’t there physically, that was okay. That was enough for them.  
Of course, Steve waited and waited to feel somebody else, to connect with the rest of the group but it never came. Not when Bucky got into war, not when Steve got in and neither when he finally met Peggy in person. It was just then. Peggy was away from home, Steve mother had died, Bucky still had his mom and sister but just the three of them were a little family, they were home for one another. And it was okay – good even.  
  


_-x-_

Bucky fell of the train and he screamed for Steve while he disappeared in the snow. It felt like everything stopped moving, like someone was digging inside of him with their hands searching for the part of his heart and soul that belonged to Bucky – and somehow he knew that Peggy felt the same way, like some part of them was gone and there was just a empty space in there. They cried together, holding into each other arms and they shared thoughts of all the good times that they had together. Steve quietly said about all the things Bucky had done for them. They didn’t say anything else after that but just connecting with each other was enough.

Peggy never said anything, but she still felt Bucky hands in her hair, his fingers dancing in her neck and sometimes she could even hear him laughing with the head throw back. It was so softly, so far away, almost like memories. She questioned sometimes if he still alive but… No one could survive the fall.

Steve also didn’t tell Peggy (even if he suspected that she knew) that sometimes if he stayed still long enough he would hear Bucky voice without knowing what he was trying to say, he would feel Bucky hands holding his so tightly that he could almost feel the pain. He never told her because she doesn’t needed to have that with her, a ghost following her around. Steve and Bucky had an agreement that Peggy was the best of the three of them and that she deserved the best – and the best at that moment was to Steve to let her move on, even if he never did.

And then Steve fell into the cold water. He did it because he needed to. It was the right thing to do even if it meant that Peggy would be alone. He thought of Bucky and Peggy before he hit the water, they were sitting in the corner of that small house in Brooklyn. Bucky tried to imitate Peggy accent and she hit him and the head and all of them laughed for minutes and maybe even for hour. Steve was little and sick back then but, god, he would do everything to go back to that day when things are easier and brighter.  
  


_-x-_  


Peggy Carter never stopped looking for Steve Rogers because even after the crash she would feel him, stronger than she felt Bucky. Maybe that’s the big reason why they could found him frozen in the North Atlantic.

**Author's Note:**

> DONA MARIA CAROLINA ESPERO QUE GOSTE MESMO NÃO SENDO ESSAS COISAS!!!  
> I'm working in a playlist because i'm those kind of author.


End file.
